There are some issues that we cannot simply talk ourselves out of. The part of our brain that thinks in verbal language and uses logic to solve problems is distinct from the area of our brain where we process emotions. This means that in order to move past deep-seated trauma and other difficult emotional wounds, we must intervene on the physical and emotional subcortical level as well as on the logical, neocortical level.
Brainspotting (BSP) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy both facilitate emotional processing and help us to see ourselves, others, and the world around us in a new light. Read on to learn more about both modalities and which one may be right for you.
Have you ever labeled yourself as the “black sheep” of your family, workplace, or somewhere where you’re “supposed” to naturally belong? The Black Unicorn highlights how intersectionality is an ongoing process that requires individuals to navigate and balance the multiple dimensions of their identity. Society often places marginalized individuals where they have to prove their worthiness, which can be a burdensome and exhausting experience. This expectation disregards the fullness of their experiences and reduces their identities to a single narrative, overshadowing their resilience, joy, and other aspects of their lives. This blog post, written by Susan Stork, located in Baltimore, Maryland, explores the four main qualities of a black unicorn and how we can harness our individuality into our superpower.
In 2021, Space between counseling posted a blog addressing the national shortage of couple therapists. Did anything change? Are there more couple therapists now? Since the pandemic hit, therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers have been seeking to address the concerns and needs of couples with relational concerns. But what happened? Why was the pandemic a catalyst for relational problems? It seems the pandemic, and subsequent shelter-in-place mandates, have served as a catalyst for relational issues and in some way forced couples to spend time with their emotions.
In this blog post, we explore some of the reasons for a shortage in couples therapists, reveal evidence based theoretical orientations for relationship counseling, advise clients on how to search for an ideal fit couples therapist, and provide resources and recommendations for those who are stuck on waiting lists to be seen.
Have you ever had a therapy session when you left feeling exhausted, emotionally drained, and unable to do much for the rest of the day? Has it made you wonder if the therapy isn’t working? In this blog post, written by our Graduate student intern, Sehar Palla, we explore what is therapy hangover, why it happens and some helpful post-therapy self-care strategies.
Dr. Stephen Porges has coined the term “neuroception”, which describes how our neural circuits distinguish whether stimuli are safe or dangerous. While this phenomemon is innate and serves to protect us, sometimes traumatic experiences result in faulty neuroception - which causes individuals to perceive a situation to be harmful, even if there is no presence of a threat. This post explores the implications of polyvagal theory, stress responses, and neuroception.
Exploring and recognizing our own inner beauty is important. We so easily give positive regard to celebrities for capturing the right selfie angle or replicating the latest MUA trend. Yet, when is the last time you reminded yourself, “I am beautiful.” A simple statement, yet one that so many of us forget to acknowledge.
Esther Perel asks.
As a Relationship Therapist - I ask.
📌Why is it that many women don’t seem to know what they want?
📌Where does the sense of being disconnected from your own body stem from?
📌How can it be so hard to talk about sex with our partners?
As Perel explains, much of our adult sexuality, our current desires, the way we relate to others, how we perceive our self-worth—is the product of the way we were raised and the environment in which our sexuality developed.
Q&A with Esther Perel:
Q
You’ve said that if you know how someone was raised, you can tell how they will be as a lover. Can you explain?
A
Consider a paradigm we’ve always known in modern psychology: Tell me how you are loved, and I’ll have a good idea of what may be some of your issues, your concerns, your worries, your aspirations, and how you love.
But this paradigm never got translated into: Tell me how you were loved and I will tell you how you MAKE love. How your emotional history is inscribed in the physicality of sex. How your body speaks a certain emotional biography.
For example, the question I often ask people is: How did you learn to love, and with whom? Were you allowed to want? Were you allowed to have needs growing up—or were you told, “What do you need that for?” Were you allowed to thrive? Were you allowed to experience pleasure—or was pleasure just a break between work sessions, a reward after a lot of effort? Were you allowed to cry—and were you allowed to cry out loud, or did you have to hide it? Were you allowed to laugh—out loud? Did you feel protected as a child by those who needed to protect you—or did you flee for protection? Did the people who were supposed to take care of you do so—or did you have to take care of your caregivers, becoming the parentified child?
Does post this resonate with you? Are you interested in exploring your own adult sexuality and how it shows up for you in your relationship?
If so, reach out - you don’t need to navigate these feelings & ideas - ALONE.
Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges within coupleship.
Coupleship: Year in Review 2017
Why would you and your partner want to do a “Year In Review”? This series of check in questions is designed to help you two invite structure, flow, play and connection into 2018.
After the wrapping paper is cleared away, but before you pull out the new year's noisemakers, I hope that you can make time for each other. Just being together and enjoying each other is great, but I have an invitation for you that will help make you stronger in the year to come...
In this space between the holidays as one year ends and another begins, I'd love to know that you’re strengthening your "coupleship bubble." Maybe you want to think of it as creating your own private snow globe where you sit together in the swirl of your past and present and plan out your future.
Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC is a Relationship Therapist and founder Space Between Counseling Services in Baltimore City, Maryland.
Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges of coupleship.
Specializing in counseling for individuals and couples using Stan Tatkin’s PACT approach, Susan helps you move through the muck of life and into a life of purpose and connection.
It’s that time of year again. Holidays are in clear sight in all areas of life.
I get that this time of year is hard on many people.
Due to traumatic events, difficult family and/or events linked to this season - many people feel less than { Deep Gratitude, Joyful & Happy } in the days between November --> January.
#Holidays are a rough time of year for many people due to one reason or another.
So, what can we do it about it? Jaime Stacks @jamielstacks has a one formula to stop this “crazy train” that speeds through the holidays for some of us.
It starts with setting your intentions.
Using intentions {PLUS} the therapeutic idea of "Re-Storying" we can alter our current experiences in this “NOW” space of the season compared to the “THEN” space of previous sadness, harm and voids of previous seasons.
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{F I V E} Mindfulness tips to jump-start your Holiday Self-Care}
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[ONE] Set intentions every morning
[TWO] Take 15-30 minutes everyday for yourself
[THREE] Take 15-30 minutes everyday for loved ones -- family + friends and mentors
[FOUR] Simplify, Simplify, Simplify
[FIVE] Gratitude Journal
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Photo by Estée Janssens on @Unsplash
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“We can do hard things.”
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This is a saying that I’ve been saying + hearing lately - in my head, in my sessions, as a business owner, and as a partner + parent.
Understanding that we only have so much control of certain situations but we always have control of our commitments, our responses, our pause and our compassion for ourselves + others.
Being aware of feelings & expressing them PROACTIVELY - helps when things get "hard". Acknowledging that life can be scary, raw, over-whelming & unpredictable --- helps us to realize that it is normal, and that WE don't always have control when "hard things" enter our days. However, these feeling are a {S I G N} that something is amiss.
If you OFTEN use fight (judgement + aggression) , freeze (indecision + prolonged delay) or flee (avoidance) when {hard things} come your way - you might need some more support?
🖊Writing feelings out (journaling) and/or talking to others might help to identify difficult feelings.
📌Both help me personally to move forward with what I needed to do and not let anxious thoughts take over when "hard things" hit the fan.
🔸In addition, reaching out for help shares the load. I often reach out to my husband + colleagues + friends and ask for insight when "hard things" come my way.
What do you do to confront "hard things"❓
Who are your supports? ❓
Where do you go to reflect + recharge + reset❓
If you find that you often confront "hard things" with fight (aggression + judgement) freeze (prolonged delay + indecision) or flee (avoidance) - it might help to seek more support(s) to help process your feelings and responses to "hard things."
{HARD T H I N G S} do not have to be a way of life - you can share the load, redirect, and pivot when necessary.
I was inspired last week to think of my role as a therapist in a different light. Then in sessions, these words came out - #hopedealer
It seems fitting.
In 1999 - I took a deep dive into {Mindfulness} unknowingly!
I was dealing LOTS of young adult angst {family, career, relationships, friends & next steps} and I needed an outlet for my anger & frustration - so I entered a yoga training for daily Hatha lessons and guided meditation for 6 months daily at 4 am!
{{ Side-Note: At the time, I was an evening server, who got off work most evenings after midnight & never did a day of yoga in my life.}}
My yogi, never judged me for falling asleep during guided meditation (which I often did because at the time I didn't value MYSELF, sleep schedules & self care ) - instead my yogi pushed my awakening forward by suggesting "walking" meditations (she was slick).
For almost 18+ years - I think about this phase of life almost daily. I grew in ways - I never really appreciated it until later in adulthood.
For me: "Mindfulness" via walking meditation and permission / direction to "be in the moment" promoted my inner growth. Back in '99 - I wasn't aware enough (or mindful enough) to understand -- BUT... "I was where I needed to be to start the work".
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I tell this story because it's never too late to gain control of your mind by harnessing your superpower and increasing your well-being.
Partners can be helped immensely by having an "owners manual" for each other and their relationship.
Part of that "owners manual" or being an "expert on your partner" can be created by using the principles in the Couple Bubble by Dr. Stan Tatkin.
It's like being in a "fox hole" together and having each others back consistently both privately and publicly.
Yawning is a built-in repair circuit which triggers the Parasympathetic Nervous System, which calms everything down in your body.
We most associate yawning with boredom or being sleepy, but new research suggests it can be good for your health - by cooling down your brain.
Yawning is particularly useful when your body is stressed, injured, or ill. If you’ve got a headache, try yawn “surfing”– where you literally try to yawn over and over–in most situations, your headache will ease up.
Scientists at Princeton University found a big yawn can regulate the temperature of the brain and prevent over-heating. Stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, which increase blood pressure. Yawning activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which attenuates the sympathetic nervous system, reduces stress, and lowers the risk for high blood pressure.
Because #yawning disturbs your current sympathetic tone and forces the parasympathetic nervous system to act in order to restore your body to a resting state because yawning discharges STRESS from the body.
Feeling stressed or drained? Make an effort to yawn as a self-care strategy to help your blood pressure!
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