In 2020, Space Between Counseling shared a blog post about the 7A’s of healing. This post serves as an expansion or lets say a 2.0 version with additional information, some real-life examples, and more quotes from Dr. Gabor Maté’s book.
It has been two years since the coronavirus pandemic started. Our health has been at the forefront of all our minds since the pandemic has taken over the media and what has become the “normal” way of life. We are still taking precautionary measures till this present day because we are worried about our health, the wellbeing of our loved ones, and the path to healing for those who may be afflicted. True healing, however, is not something that can only be achieved physically. In fact, in order to rid the body of stress, inflammation, and sickness, we must turn our attention towards our mental and emotional health as well. Our minds and the bodies are deeply connected.
The book, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, by Dr. Gabor Maté explores the idea of the 7 A’s of Healing. These are seven steps that he believes one must take to achieve mental and physical healing in order to begin to rid the body of stress, chronic illness, and disease.
“The research literature has identified three factors that universally lead to stress: uncertainty, the lack of information and the loss of control.”
This seems especially relevant in the current climate of fear and uncertainty in regard to coronavirus. Maté also explains that “emotional competence is what we need to develop if we are to protect ourselves from the hidden stresses that create a risk to health, and it is what we need to regain if we are to heal.” Emotional competence will lead to one’s mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. This can be achieved through these 7 A’s…
Photo by Heidi Fin
Acceptance
Awareness
Anger
Autonomy
Attachment
Assertion
Affirmation
Acceptance
Photo By Abhishek Koli
Acceptance is the first step towards achieving emotional competence. It is meeting ourselves right where we are and accepting us as is – with all our flaws, unpleasant and pleasant sensations. Whatever emotions we are feeling, however we look, however we physically feel, whatever thoughts or feelings we have about ourselves. Looking at ourselves with all honestly, and fully accepting who we are is the first hurdle to overcome. We are good, we are whole, and we are worthy of compassion.
It might not be about liking everything about ourselves but it is about learning to be compassionate and openly accepting how we personally feel and think in challenging moments. A good example of accepting might be: “Today I am feeling anxious, frustrated, and unsettled about the lack of control I have during this pandemic. Despite my anxiety, I am still a person worthy of compassion”
This honesty and acknowledgement may be difficult at times, but with practice will become easier.
Awareness
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Being aware of what our bodies tell us is so important for our overall healing. Listening to what the body needs and feels in the moment can help to guide us on a path to help heal any emotional or physical wounds. Therefore, it is the internal connection we have with ourselves.
One example of self-awareness is our ability to identify and label our emotions moment by moment. For example, one day, you may feel foggy and lethargic. When you are made aware of those feelings, and you take in those thoughts, you can apply that to guide future choices, thoughts, and decisions.
“If you’d like to practice awareness, perhaps you might tell yourself…. “Today, I am feeling an unpleasant sensation in my body, or I have been feeling anxious or overwhelmed. That is okay, I see it, I feel it, and I accept it as it is.”
Another example of increasing our awareness level is understanding and identifying how we cope with situations. We all have coping mechanisms that protect us from feeling any sort of pain or disappointment. For example, if you are feeling tired, give yourself the permission to take a nap or watch a movie or a TV series you enjoy. During times of emotional distress, you can reach out to loved ones, talk to your therapist, or find an outlet that helps you deal with your feelings; these can include exercising, going out for a walk, journaling, doing yoga or meditating. In those moments, one of the important questions to ask ourselves is “what do i need?”
Anger
Anger can sometimes be thought of as an unwanted emotion, a “bad feeling,” something to be avoided at all costs. Maté, however, reminds us that “anger is a physiological process to be experienced… it has cognitive value.” Anger, like any other emotion, is something to be aware of, to feel and experience, and then to move forward from.
“I am greatly empowered without harming anyone if I permit myself to experience the anger and to contemplate what may have triggered it.”
Anger is not at all a bad feeling; it is very much a humane one. When it is expressed in a healthy way, tension and anxiety are released. We can draw on the wisdom of Dr. Gabor Maté when considering how to manage anger, “Depending on circumstances, I may choose to manifest the anger in some way or to let go of it. The key is that I have not suppressed the experience of it.”
Some questions you may consider when thinking about the role of anger in your life include:
So, what helps you release your anger?
Is it going for a walk or reaching out for support?
Is it exercising or meditating? Is it being alone for a while?
Or is it simply acknowledging what triggered us and accepting what we felt in that moment?
These are just common examples. The most important thing is to find a healthy way that works best for YOU.
Autonomy
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Autonomy is just simply your independent thoughts and actions. Or the boundaries that make you you. Developing your personal boundaries and knowing yourself honestly is the way that you can continue to move through your journey to healing and wellness. You might ask yourself:
Is this something I really want?
Or is this something someone else wants?
Am I doing this to put up appearances or make someone else happy?”
Establishing those clear boundaries of who we are and what we value is putting us in control, making us more in tune with our priorities, and helping us to avoid unnecessary stress. Dr. Gabor Maté reminds us, “Do I live my life according to my own deepest truths, or in order to fulfill someone else’s expectations?”
So, how might someone increase autonomy?
First and foremost, recognizing that you matter and are valued for who you are.
Learning to pursue autonomy in various areas of your life, including your relationships, job, and hobbies. This includes, communicating your needs or setting boundaries when needed
developing your skills set: we all have areas of strengths and areas of weakness.
Seeking and trying out other opportunities to see what works for you.
It is about connecting with our internal state of self and reflecting on what we personally want, what we desire and what we value as a human being.
Attachment
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Being connected to others is a lifeline to healing. This is speaking not only to our relationships to others, but also how well we receive help and support from our loved ones. Relying on others requires letting go of the fear of vulnerability. We usually think that if we ask for help, we are weak or burdening others with our problems or stressors. Therefore, we decide to put on the so-called ‘superhero cape.’ You are not weak for needing others, you are strong for overcoming your fear and seeking the help that will inevitably benefit your healing.
Sometimes we are unsure or struggle with how to communicate or verbalize our needs or stressors to someone, one way can be telling a our loved ones or even your therapist:
“I’m struggling”
“I’ve been feeling very anxious/stressed recently and I would like to share more with you”
“I’ve been feeling very stressed lately and I am not sure why. I just wanted to share with you how I have been feeling lately”
Assertion
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The word assertion is usually paired with the idea of someone speaking up for themselves or being confident and forceful. According to Dr. Maté’s, assertion is just a statement of being. No one needs to be justified. We are who we are and we have the right to be here, to think and feel, to love and be loved.
Perhaps you might tell or remind yourself:
“This is who I am, and that is okay”
“We might be different in how we respond or think about things and that’s okay – we don’t all have to be the same.”
Affirmation
Photo By Estée Janssens
Maté explains two types of affirmation. The first is affirming our creative selves. This can be fulfilled by creating anything – art, music, cooking, writing, etc. We all have an urge to create something, make something, express ourselves, be seen and be heard in our own way. This first step helps to achieve that.
Dr. Gabor Maté reminds us, “The point is to honour the urge. To do so is healing for ourselves and for others”.
The second is affirming our connection to something bigger. The universe, a greater purpose, a higher power. We are connected to the world around us in a big, important way. It is essential to feel that connection in order to help dissipate feelings of isolation, loneliness, or seclusion. Our existence is valuable. We are a part of something, never truly alone.
“Connection is vital to healing”
If you are interested in learning more about emotional competence, the journey to healing, and how our emotional experiences can manifest into physical illness, we would recommend reading When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, by Dr. Gabor Maté. You can learn more about Dr. Maté and his other writings by clicking here.
If you are seeking additional support in your journey towards emotional competence and healing, therapy can offer a unique holding space for further exploration. To learn more about our team of therapists at Space Between Counseling Services, click the link below: