There are some issues that we cannot simply talk ourselves out of. The part of our brain that thinks in verbal language and uses logic to solve problems is distinct from the area of our brain where we process emotions. This means that in order to move past deep-seated trauma and other difficult emotional wounds, we must intervene on the physical and emotional subcortical level as well as on the logical, neocortical level.
Brainspotting (BSP) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy both facilitate emotional processing and help us to see ourselves, others, and the world around us in a new light. Read on to learn more about both modalities and which one may be right for you.
Have you ever labeled yourself as the “black sheep” of your family, workplace, or somewhere where you’re “supposed” to naturally belong? The Black Unicorn highlights how intersectionality is an ongoing process that requires individuals to navigate and balance the multiple dimensions of their identity. Society often places marginalized individuals where they have to prove their worthiness, which can be a burdensome and exhausting experience. This expectation disregards the fullness of their experiences and reduces their identities to a single narrative, overshadowing their resilience, joy, and other aspects of their lives. This blog post, written by Susan Stork, located in Baltimore, Maryland, explores the four main qualities of a black unicorn and how we can harness our individuality into our superpower.
In 2021, Space between counseling posted a blog addressing the national shortage of couple therapists. Did anything change? Are there more couple therapists now? Since the pandemic hit, therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers have been seeking to address the concerns and needs of couples with relational concerns. But what happened? Why was the pandemic a catalyst for relational problems? It seems the pandemic, and subsequent shelter-in-place mandates, have served as a catalyst for relational issues and in some way forced couples to spend time with their emotions.
In this blog post, we explore some of the reasons for a shortage in couples therapists, reveal evidence based theoretical orientations for relationship counseling, advise clients on how to search for an ideal fit couples therapist, and provide resources and recommendations for those who are stuck on waiting lists to be seen.
Have you ever had a therapy session when you left feeling exhausted, emotionally drained, and unable to do much for the rest of the day? Has it made you wonder if the therapy isn’t working? In this blog post, written by our Graduate student intern, Sehar Palla, we explore what is therapy hangover, why it happens and some helpful post-therapy self-care strategies.
Dr. Stephen Porges has coined the term “neuroception”, which describes how our neural circuits distinguish whether stimuli are safe or dangerous. While this phenomemon is innate and serves to protect us, sometimes traumatic experiences result in faulty neuroception - which causes individuals to perceive a situation to be harmful, even if there is no presence of a threat. This post explores the implications of polyvagal theory, stress responses, and neuroception.
What goes through someone’s mind after they cheat? A million different things.
The following letter is a fictitious note written by a regretful partner trying to save a relationship after infidelity. The letter may be made up but the feelings and worries it describes and my response (that’s part two of this post!) are very real.
-- Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC
Photo by Konstantin Planinski on Unsplash
Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC is a Relationship Therapist and founder Space Between Counseling Services in Baltimore City, Maryland.
Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges of coupleship.
Specializing in counseling for individuals and couples using Stan Tatkin’s PACT approach, Susan helps you move through the muck of life and into a life of purpose and connection.
It’s that time of year again. Holidays are in clear sight in all areas of life.
I get that this time of year is hard on many people.
Due to traumatic events, difficult family and/or events linked to this season - many people feel less than { Deep Gratitude, Joyful & Happy } in the days between November --> January.
#Holidays are a rough time of year for many people due to one reason or another.
So, what can we do it about it? Jaime Stacks @jamielstacks has a one formula to stop this “crazy train” that speeds through the holidays for some of us.
It starts with setting your intentions.
Using intentions {PLUS} the therapeutic idea of "Re-Storying" we can alter our current experiences in this “NOW” space of the season compared to the “THEN” space of previous sadness, harm and voids of previous seasons.
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{F I V E} Mindfulness tips to jump-start your Holiday Self-Care}
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[ONE] Set intentions every morning
[TWO] Take 15-30 minutes everyday for yourself
[THREE] Take 15-30 minutes everyday for loved ones -- family + friends and mentors
[FOUR] Simplify, Simplify, Simplify
[FIVE] Gratitude Journal
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Photo by Estée Janssens on @Unsplash
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“We can do hard things.”
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This is a saying that I’ve been saying + hearing lately - in my head, in my sessions, as a business owner, and as a partner + parent.
Understanding that we only have so much control of certain situations but we always have control of our commitments, our responses, our pause and our compassion for ourselves + others.
Being aware of feelings & expressing them PROACTIVELY - helps when things get "hard". Acknowledging that life can be scary, raw, over-whelming & unpredictable --- helps us to realize that it is normal, and that WE don't always have control when "hard things" enter our days. However, these feeling are a {S I G N} that something is amiss.
If you OFTEN use fight (judgement + aggression) , freeze (indecision + prolonged delay) or flee (avoidance) when {hard things} come your way - you might need some more support?
🖊Writing feelings out (journaling) and/or talking to others might help to identify difficult feelings.
📌Both help me personally to move forward with what I needed to do and not let anxious thoughts take over when "hard things" hit the fan.
🔸In addition, reaching out for help shares the load. I often reach out to my husband + colleagues + friends and ask for insight when "hard things" come my way.
What do you do to confront "hard things"❓
Who are your supports? ❓
Where do you go to reflect + recharge + reset❓
If you find that you often confront "hard things" with fight (aggression + judgement) freeze (prolonged delay + indecision) or flee (avoidance) - it might help to seek more support(s) to help process your feelings and responses to "hard things."
{HARD T H I N G S} do not have to be a way of life - you can share the load, redirect, and pivot when necessary.
I was inspired last week to think of my role as a therapist in a different light. Then in sessions, these words came out - #hopedealer
It seems fitting.
A roller-coaster relationship feels similar to a roller-coaster ride. At first, the relationship moves at a nice steady pace forward. The person you’re dating is making time and effort to see you and it feels great, putting a smile on your face that’s bigger than Julia Robert's.
Relationships are bound to have moments of ups and downs; that’s normal. However, the downs should never exceed the ups. Those should also be far and few between.
If your relationship starts to have more unexpected jerking and swerving from left to right, back and forth leaving you nauseously dizzy, confused…that is obviously not a fun ride (or a healthy relationship).
If you start to feel more stress then excitement, sadness then happiness and more down’s than ups, it’s time to get your booty off this emotional roller-coaster relationship ride!
Partners can be helped immensely by having an "owners manual" for each other and their relationship.
Part of that "owners manual" or being an "expert on your partner" can be created by using the principles in the Couple Bubble by Dr. Stan Tatkin.
It's like being in a "fox hole" together and having each others back consistently both privately and publicly.
Are YOU frantically swimming upstream, bucking the actual flow of life?
In my therapy room a lot of this uphill swimming is due to trauma, stress, struggles with self and purpose. However sometimes what seems like stress can at times be ANXIETY.
Everyone experiences anxiety in one form or another. However, there is a large difference between having an anxiety disorder and feeling anxious every now and then. For instance, it is pretty common and typical for someone to be anxious before they take an exam but becoming so anxious that they don't eat and decide to not show up to the exam at all could be a sign that that person has a disorder.
Anxiety disorders themselves range from being mild to severe and it can also depend on what triggers a person's experiences and how often. In short, anxiety is a broad term that ultimately depends on the individual.
It can be difficult to describe anxiety to someone who has never truly experienced it like the people who have disorders do.
Social media is full of attempted explanations, but there are still those people who tell us to "get over it," "don't think about it so much," and "there's no reason to be anxious."
One of the biggest misunderstandings about having anxiety is that most of the time we know that there isn't any real reason to be anxious, and that our minds are overreacting. The thing is though, it just feels impossible for us to turn it off and think logically in that moment. There's not a whole lot we can do.
As a therapist that specializes in ANXIETY - I get you.
Anxiety is like swimming in the ocean with no land in sight: The mind has a keen way of magnetizing events of our lives. What can seem small and insignificant to one is massive in scale to another. Consider a 7ft man floating in an ocean 450ft deep. While he is large on land, the ocean proves a great challenge to his sense of size.
Anxiety is diving deep underwater, then swimming back up to the surface, but the surface is farther away that it seemed so you suddenly feel as if you are about to drown.
Side-Note: Did you know that --> Swimming is a great way to drown-out stress and anxiety as you embrace every stroke?
*** Swimming can significantly reduce symptoms like stress, anxiety and depression. Swimming triggers the release of endorphins, the natural feel-good hormone while stopping the secretion of fight-or-flight stress hormones. It also promotes the growth of new brain cells that atrophies under chronic stress and anxiety.
Photo Credit: Nikki McClure & Unknown Source
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{You always have a choice}
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:: Seeking Calm? Find a guided meditation provider, whom provides the power of Mental Stillness.
I find my calm via buddhify and lessen my chaos with the help of Tara Brach.
Plus, July 1st could be a great day to start a new habit ✌🏼✌🏽✌🏿
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Stressed? Find your pattern. Find your lesson.
A good way of recognizing patterns in your life is by listening to your feelings, your intuition.
I’ve found that when I am involved in a pattern, my emotions run a bit stronger, kind of like a warning from my subconscious mind to pay attention to what’s happening.
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Many moons ago, as a young adult, pre-therapy, pre-mediation, pre-tuning in:: More often than not, I recognize the pattern (life lesson) when the situation had ended, or changed.
Hindsight is 20/20 in this way. It can be difficult to recognize a pattern while it’s playing out. This still happens to me in present life. However, I have learned to better pay attention to MY patterns.
Reflecting helps this. Awareness helps this. Time helps this. Being surrounded by caring and compassionate loved ones, family, and friends helps this.
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In life there will be continuous patterns and lessons sent our way. If we are aware and tuned in, we will learn to overcome our patterns and learn our individual lessons.
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The key is to be alert. When you’re open to recognizing a pattern, you can change it by learning the lesson, and in doing so, change your life. Equaling: less repeat and more JOY & Awareness.
