Overcoming the Impact of Criticism on Personal Growth and Self-Expression
Do you often restrain your ambitions or self-expression due to the fear of dealing with criticism? You're in good company. The fear of criticism is a widespread concern that impacts numerous individuals. However, it stands as a significant barrier to personal growth and exploring new experiences.
Recognizing the Various Sources of Criticism in Our Lives
Criticism can emerge from multiple sources: friends, family, colleagues, or even anonymous individuals on social media platforms. The temptation to dodge criticism by sticking to your comfort zone is strong.
For a considerable period, I was content in making myself small. Concealing behind people, books, work, self-deprecating jokes, and more. It was only recently that I began to question why I was self-restricting when others seemed to navigate self-expression effortlessly.
Why was I apprehensive about sharing my ideas or truly expressing myself? What made me avoid the spotlight?
The answer: I felt intimidated by the prospect of being visible. Being the center of attention meant opening up to potential criticism or rejection, and that vulnerability was daunting. So, I remained within the confines of my safe space, concealed and protected.
But then, a realization dawned on me: I was hindering my own progress.
I avoided new endeavors unless I was confident in my perfection.
I molded aspects of my personality to fit the company I was in, missing out on genuine connections.
My writings remained unseen, and I lost the chance to improve my skills.
I procrastinated on taking risks, waiting for a moment of complete readiness that never arrived.
I deliberated endlessly before sharing my photos or thoughts on social media.
And the list continued.
The fear of criticism is undeniably valid. Criticism is uncomfortable, often painful, and it bruises our egos, especially when we are already filled with self-doubt. But living in constant fear of criticism is an immense disservice to ourselves. It restrains us from showcasing our unique contributions to the world and from seizing opportunities for self-improvement and personal growth.
Here are some powerful reframe that helped me shift my perspective on criticism:
Selective Feedback: Choosing What to Absorb
Photo by David Lezcano
There are people who will genuinely help you get better, there are people who just have a different (not better or worse) way of approaching things, and there are people who are just projecting their own process onto you.
The feedback isn’t always about you, and if you let everyone’s thoughts and opinions dictate your life and behavior, it leaves no room for you to honor yourself.
So, seek out mentors and peers who can provide constructive feedback and encouragement. Avoid people who are overly negative or critical, as they can drain your energy and confidence. Start being selective with whose feedback you take to heart and filter how this feedback is serving you.
Constructive Criticism vs. Personal Judgment
Photo by Daria Nepriakhina
I used to think that if I was called out by someone, that was it. It was the end of my relationship with them because they must think I’m a horrible person and we could never go back from that. It took me some time to understand that people could care for me and still criticize my behavior or tell me where I went wrong. Or, that they could call me out on something and then move on with their day, while I spent the next month worrying about what they think of me.
This was a tough one to swallow: People can constructively criticize your work, your words, or your actions; but that does not mean they dislike who you are as a person!
Photo by Daniel Öberg
Prioritizing Growth Over Seeking Approval
When I presented my work to someone for feedback, I never actually wanted feedback from them. I wanted them to tell me how smart and perfect I already was. It made me feel great. But did it help me grow as a person? Did validation alone help me improve my work? Nope.
As I mentioned before, approaching life and looking for approval from everyone around you means shaping yourself to be agreeable and hiding parts of your personality that felt “weird.”
Now that I look back, I realize all my best friendships came out of a realization of mutual weirdness. It’s what makes me, me!
Approaching life with a mindset for growth changed the game for me. It allowed me to give myself grace when I made mistakes and accept that no one is born perfect at everything, we are allowed to learn. I started seeking out opportunities to get better, and because that was my focus, criticism just felt like the means to the end!
Embracing Criticism as Part of the Growth Journey
Be kind to yourself! Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and faces criticism at some point. Instead of beating yourself up over criticism, practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it is a natural part of growth and learning.
There is a quote by Aristotle that goes:
““There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” ”
It is a reminder that anyone who has ever created something amazing has been criticized. Whether it’s food, art, books, movies, products, architecture, or music- anything that we know and admire has also received criticism. So I’m going to stop running from it, and I hope you will too.
Meet the Author: Sehar Palla
Sehar Palla is a graduate student at Johns Hopkins University and an intern at Space Between Counseling Services. She works with clients struggling with anxiety, depression, childhood trauma, life transitions, identity exploration, and self-esteem issues. She is also a National Board of Counselors Minority Counseling Fellow, recognized for her commitment to working with BIPOC, minority, and immigrant populations.
When she isn’t working or studying, Sehar loves traveling, adventure sports, photography, and finding her next spot for bubble tea.
If you feel that you might benefit from support in building your self-confidence, contact Space Between Counseling Services at +1 (443) 240-5407 to book a consultation or click the link below