There are some issues that we cannot simply talk ourselves out of. The part of our brain that thinks in verbal language and uses logic to solve problems is distinct from the area of our brain where we process emotions. This means that in order to move past deep-seated trauma and other difficult emotional wounds, we must intervene on the physical and emotional subcortical level as well as on the logical, neocortical level.
Brainspotting (BSP) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy both facilitate emotional processing and help us to see ourselves, others, and the world around us in a new light. Read on to learn more about both modalities and which one may be right for you.
Have you ever labeled yourself as the “black sheep” of your family, workplace, or somewhere where you’re “supposed” to naturally belong? The Black Unicorn highlights how intersectionality is an ongoing process that requires individuals to navigate and balance the multiple dimensions of their identity. Society often places marginalized individuals where they have to prove their worthiness, which can be a burdensome and exhausting experience. This expectation disregards the fullness of their experiences and reduces their identities to a single narrative, overshadowing their resilience, joy, and other aspects of their lives. This blog post, written by Susan Stork, located in Baltimore, Maryland, explores the four main qualities of a black unicorn and how we can harness our individuality into our superpower.
In 2021, Space between counseling posted a blog addressing the national shortage of couple therapists. Did anything change? Are there more couple therapists now? Since the pandemic hit, therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers have been seeking to address the concerns and needs of couples with relational concerns. But what happened? Why was the pandemic a catalyst for relational problems? It seems the pandemic, and subsequent shelter-in-place mandates, have served as a catalyst for relational issues and in some way forced couples to spend time with their emotions.
In this blog post, we explore some of the reasons for a shortage in couples therapists, reveal evidence based theoretical orientations for relationship counseling, advise clients on how to search for an ideal fit couples therapist, and provide resources and recommendations for those who are stuck on waiting lists to be seen.
Have you ever had a therapy session when you left feeling exhausted, emotionally drained, and unable to do much for the rest of the day? Has it made you wonder if the therapy isn’t working? In this blog post, written by our Graduate student intern, Sehar Palla, we explore what is therapy hangover, why it happens and some helpful post-therapy self-care strategies.
Dr. Stephen Porges has coined the term “neuroception”, which describes how our neural circuits distinguish whether stimuli are safe or dangerous. While this phenomemon is innate and serves to protect us, sometimes traumatic experiences result in faulty neuroception - which causes individuals to perceive a situation to be harmful, even if there is no presence of a threat. This post explores the implications of polyvagal theory, stress responses, and neuroception.
For many millennials and older gen-z-ers, their 20s and 30s are not the time of fun and freedom that they expected. This period of life can be characterized by feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, uncertainty, and confusion over one’s direction and purpose in life. Going through a quarter life crisis may be a commonplace occurrence, but it doesn’t have to be something you go through alone or without support.
Self-compassion gets a lot of buzz, and for good reason. The term refers to showing yourself the same care and kindness you’d show a close friend. If you find you’re often critical of your faults, have difficulty separating yourself from your negative thoughts when they arise, or feel like you’re alone in your struggles, practicing self-compassion can help.
When many people think of intelligence, an IQ test is the first thing that comes to mind. Answering a list of questions meant to assign a score to an individual’s memory, math, and reading comprehension abilities. But there are many ways that intelligence can be looked at besides just being able to generate correct answers on a test. Everyone’s brains work differently and there are so many different types of thinking that even one individual may use.
This blog post was inspired by an article Exploring the Matrix of Your Brain by Aurora Holtzman. In her post, Aurora discusses how learning to befriend our own brains and figuring out how to work with our individual strengths. Once we learn how we work, we enable ourselves to stop working harder and start working smarter. This can mean doing better in school or work, improving the quality of relationships, or simply having a better idea of what works best for you individually.
Infographic by: Aurora Holtzman
Standard linear thinking is when someone thinks about point A, which then leads them to point B, then to point C, and so on. When you think of linear thinking, you might think of doing a long math problem in elementary school. The teacher always wants you to write out every step of the math problem in order. In doing this, you had to think about how each step got me to the next one, taking your thoughts in a straight line.
Skip thinking is when someone goes straight from point A to point C. This would be like skipping straight from the first step of your math problem to the last step. Not everyone thinks like this, but to some people it just makes sense. Some individuals may think in mostly these ways or think in these ways depending on the specific situation. But what about when our brain makes even more complex connections? The brain and our thinking style don’t always go in a straight line, even if that line does skip over some points. These unique ways of thinking have been termed matrix thinking.
Matrix thinking is what happens when someone’s brain goes from point A, to point F, to point R, then back to point C. There are infinite possibilities of different ways that an individual’s brain can work in this style of thinking. Matrix thinkers are constantly absorbing information from the world around them and synthesizing it into their current thought process. Matrix thinkers often make connections between ideas that to others seem completely unrelated, but to that individual the connection makes perfect sense. When you think of matrix thinking, you might think about your coworker whose desk is always a complete disaster, yet to them everything has a place and their system makes perfect sense. Matrix thinkers find patterns and creative ways of relating concepts together that other thinkers just don’t see. Within the article, Aurora discusses some different examples of matrix thinking that individuals use.
The Mind Map is a giant 3-dimensional map that is constantly connecting seemingly unconnected things. Drawing lines between things within your mind map can be a way to make connections. Venn Diagram thinking is when your brain finds the overlap in relationships to everything. There are so many ways to group and categorize things and so to some people it makes sense that parts of these categories need to overlap. Sometimes individuals will seem to talk all over the place, when in reality they are talking in a Spiral where they come back to the point every time the spiral makes its way back around. Puzzle thinking can take many different forms. Sometimes the puzzle has big pieces that are easy to put together, while other times it may take time to learn the ways in which the pieces fit. Sometimes even after the puzzle has been put together, it may feel like there is a piece or two that is missing.
Below is an excerpt of 4 more types of matrix thinking discussed by Aurora:
“Tree - When I think of my multi potentiality, I tend to think of a tree. The roots dig deep to form my foundation, but when I get too many things going at once it’s like wild branches that need pruning. When I was working full time in my day job I over pruned and didn’t have any time for the enriching stuff and when I first branched out on my own (see what I did there?) I went in way too many directions at once. This year I am focusing on pruning and strengthening just a few branches at a time.
Spider Web - I see the spider web as sort of a combination of the spiral and the mind map. It’s another way to visualize making constant connections. Like real spider webs, they are never quite as neat and tidy as you might find in a symbol or graphic but can get quite messy.
3D Chess Board - When I brought this idea up to a friend and parent, she shared the idea of a 3d chess board. Not only are you navigating and strategizing on one flat plane/dimension, there are multiple plains to navigate and strategize on all at once.
Maze - One final image that came to mind is a maze where you follow one path and may come to a dead end and have to back track to find your way back.”
As you read about matrix thinking, you may find yourself thinking, “None of these examples by themselves seem to explain how I feel my own brain works!” However, it’s important to remember that you don’t need to fit into just one matrix.
Knowing your style(s) of thinking may be particularly helpful when you’re trying to explain an idea to someone else but they just aren’t getting it. It may be easier to put your ideas into words when you have a better understanding of how my brain as a whole is working. Knowing your own brain and the way you think can be helpful at school, work, and in interpersonal relationships. Understanding how you think is just another step in better understanding yourself as a whole.
One final takeaway that highlights importance of understanding matrix thinking is that knowing how your brain works can help you to think using your strengths. Depending on your style of matrix thinking, your strengths may be more related to creativity, problem solving, or communication. Understanding your specific strengths can help you to maximize your thinking power.
So now that you’ve gotten all the way to the end, are any of these styles of matrix thinking familiar to you? Can you see yourself and how you think in any of them?
In the moments when we most need a little tenderness we quickly become our own worst enemies. Instead of recognizing and acknowledging our inherent goodness, we turn our words into weapons with messages of failure and defeat.
Wouldn’t it be incredible if we could instead treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we so readily show others? In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, leading researcher and storyteller Brené Brown examines what gets in the way of accepting ourselves as we are and living from a place of authenticity, gratitude, and whole-heartedness.
Do you find yourself being the pillar of strength that family, friends, and even romantic partners commonly depend on? From the viewpoints of others, you appear to have it all together. Unknowingly, you’ve found yourself in the role of upholding the expectations of others. If this sounds familiar, you may be finding yourself in the role of the “over-functionalist”.
Those in this role may be a direct source for advice, financial support, or take on 100% of the responsibility for their lives and others. Many often refer to you as the one; the educated one, the strong one, the responsible one, the caring one, and the list goes on. And for some odd reason, you have inadvertently accepted this role and cultivated your life around it.
Often, you’re in situations thatleave you feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Complaining of the demanding nature this role requires is never an option, for fear of making others feel your frequent discomfort. Not many people check on“THE ONE” in their lives, and these individuals tend to suffer in silence. For those who feel as though you’re barring the weight of the world with minimal understanding, know that you are not alone. A difference can be made, and the weight can be lifted, but it starts with you.
“ “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
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Asking for help can be perceived by some as a sign of weakness or an inability to simply manage. For those who identify themselves as the over-functionalist, seeking assistance appears much harder, often because of projection that others will not be able to manage stressors as you do. After all, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed so long as others don’t; right? This is an internal battle that many suffer in silence daily.
Stress is an inevitable part of life however too much can negatively impact one’s emotional and physical capacity to function. Asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness. In fact, asking for help shows a high level of self-awareness and insight to recognize that additional support is needed. There are other factors that impact one’s ability to seek help, such as cultural worldviews. For instance, some cultures view the family system as a fully functioning entity to deal with all its member’s needs.Therefore, the frequency or knowledge of outsourcing is not a skill some are versed in. Other factors include past experiences and how readily available help was made.
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Lisa Ferentz LCSW-C, DAPA (2017) suggests the following questions be considered for those struggling to ask for help:
Help comes in many forms, identify which type of help best benefits you. Pay attention to mental and physical signs that you’re becoming overwhelmed. Recognizing when your load is too heavy shows positive insight.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, stress affects your entire body, mentally as well as physically. Some common signs include:
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Many of us have heard the importance of self-care, but does the idea of achieving it seems near impossible? For the overly busy, stressed, and the overwhelmed person managing all of life’s obstacles including that of others, self-care is typically a missing element in day-to-day life. Before self-care can be obtained one must first understand what it is.
The essence of self-care is paying attention to YOUR wants and needs on an emotional, mental, and physical level. Placing yourself as a top priority and ensuring you’re cared for is not egotistic in any fashion. For over-functionalist, this can be a difficult mindset to uphold because thinking of self is such a farfetched idea. Feelings such as guilt tend to arise when others are not at the top of your priority list. Implementing self-care minimizes the occurrences of burnout and fatigue. How do I manage self-care? That’s the beauty, it’s based on YOUR needs. Self- care does not have to be a grandiose event or a huge time consumer. Maria Baratta Ph.D., L.C.S.W (2018) identified 10 regulatory activities to help exercise self-care in her article for Psychology Today titled, Self Care 101:
1- Self-care means knowing who you are and your limits. Self-care means recognizing when you are doing more than you are used to handling and trying to figure out what can be done to slow down.
2- Self-care means getting the sleep you need and knowing how to rest. Are you getting enough sleep for you? Do you know how much sleep you require everyday and are you sleeping at least that much?
Photo by Magalie De Preux via Unsplash
3- Self-care means making sure that you're well fed. Do you eat well—does what you eat provide the energy you need to function?
4 -Self-care means finding a way to decompress throughout your day, not just when you leave work. What is it you do to rest your mind during and after a workday? What helps you tune out the noise?
5- Self-care means giving some thought to changing a difficult work situation. We know best what we need and what we can deal with. Is there anything that can be done to make your work somewhat less stressful? Think about whether changes can be made to your work environment.
6- Self-care means taking time to get to know you better. Self-care means learning to recognize your own temperament and trying to prepare for your personal limits. For example, do you have the trait of "high sensitivity? and if so, learning to recognize when you are experiencing sensory overload.
Photo by Rifqui Ali Ridho via Unsplash
7- Self-care means identifying what you enjoy doing and what's fun for you and make a serious effort to integrate it into your day or, at the very least, your week. Make it a habit to plan something to look forward to every day and that doesn't have to be complicated.
8- Self-care means knowing how to debrief from a day's work. That might mean walking home from work to clear your head, driving in silence or listening to music to help transition from work to home.
9- Self-care means feeding your spiritual self. That might take the form of meditating, praying, communing with nature by a walk in a park, observing a sunset or sunrise, attending a religious service, practicing gratitude, reading or listening to something inspirational.
10- And finally, self-care means taking time to love yourself and appreciating that there's only one you and you're the expert on that.
“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival”
The route of change for an over-functionalist may not initially be easy, yet it is possible. A helpful first step is to hold others accountable and increase their responsibilities. What does this look like? It may mean not rescuing a family member or friend for the 20th time, not voicing all your opinions, and allowing them to fully manage the consequences of their actions. Engaging in therapy can be a helpful tool to overcome personal feelings of guilt and to develop healthy communication skills. More than anything, establishing new boundaries and sticking with them will be key.
Brittany Spencer, LGPC, is a therapist at Space Between Counseling Services. Brittany works with clients in the Charm City area as they manage stress, grief, LGBTQIA+ related concerns, and more.
Brittany’s integrative therapeutic approach has allowed her to interact with the young and older adult population to increase self-awareness, educate about community-based resources, and strengthen coping skills. Within a safe and compassionate environment Brittany strives to increase the autonomy of her clients.
While not working to evolve her counseling skills, Brittany enjoys outdoor activities. As summer approaches, she enjoys 5k races, bonfires, and community festivals. She loves attending WNBA basketball games, bicycling, and watching America Ninja Warrior with her fiancé.
“To suffer is the most human of conditions, but so too is to heal.”
The healing journey is far from linear and it is also far from uniform. Every person has their own winding set of experiences, responding to emotions as they emerge and doing the best they can along the way.
Therapy can be invaluable in this work, and it can be supportive to tap into the body’s wisdom in other ways as well. In this blog post, we will explore a variety of holistic approaches that inspire full-body wellbeing.
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Stemming from the practice of Chinese Medicine and developed over thousands of years, acupuncture supports balance in the mind, body and spirit. Perhaps you’re having a difficult time sleeping and are waking up at the same time every night or maybe your appetite has been off. Acupuncture could be a supportive treatment for you. Amongst other things, acupuncture can be supportive if you are experiencing anxiety or depression.
You can learn more about what to expect from an acupuncture treatment through the Maryland University of Integrative Health. Want to try it out? Mend offers affordable community acupuncture in Remington and at Quarry Lake. Additionally, Maryland Community Acupuncture in Patterson Park offers sessions for as low as $20.00.
“Sometimes with the most painful of processes all we can do is learn how to be with it, refusing to leave ourselves because of it.”
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Naturopathic medicine is built around six principles:
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This modality of care is centuries old and practitioners are trained in physical manipulation, clinical nutrition, botanical medicine, homeopathy and hydrotherapy.
If you are wondering how to support your mental health while using your body as a starting place, naturopathic care is a potential modality to explore.
Dr. Emily Telfair, ND of HeartSpace Natural Medicine is a local resource for patients who are ready to open this door of their healing journey. In her words, she offers “support with connecting the dots between your physical symptoms and how they relate to your life experiences”.
“Here in this body are the sacred rivers: here are the sun and moon as well as all the pilgrimage places...I have not encountered another temple as blissful as my own body.”
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In many ways, herbalism invites you to “stop and smell the roses” (or lavender, or raspberry, or that plant poking up between the sidewalk cracks you always thought was ‘just a weed’). The earth is bursting with plant allies if you know where to look. As you begin this journey, Zensations is the perfect first stop.
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Bodywork can take many shapes: traditional massage, craniosacral therapy, and nervous system regulation (amongst others).
Are you curious about what your body has to say about what you’ve been feeling and experiencing? Ladan Nabet and Metta Integrative Wellness Center are supportive Baltimore resources when it comes to unpacking your body’s voice.
“There is deep wisdom within our very flesh, if only we can come to our senses and feel it.”
This blog is intended to serve simply as a snippet if what holistic healing may entail; there is truly no end to the healing work that can be supported by each of these modalities. As you review the modalities discussed, ask yourself…
Erin Bowman is one of Space Between Counseling Services’ newest graduate interns. Upon her Graduation from the University of Baltimore’s counseling psychology Master’s program in 2020, Erin plans to seek licensure as a LCPC.
Erin is also a cyclist and enjoys exploring Baltimore’s parks by bike. When she’s not riding through the city, she can also be found reading science fiction and getting lost in bookstores.
In this second part of of our two-blog series inspired by the teachings of Marie Kondo, we will apply the KonMari method through simple activities designed to help you better tidy up your relationships. We hope this blog will inspire the courage and intention you need in order to facilitate nourishing relationships into your life.
In the winter, people are often more drawn to staying in and staying cozy--replacing late nights with a turn inwards. Beyond hygge, winter also often brings the blues. The sun is setting earlier and the air is biting cold. On a physiological level, our bodies are struggling with the lack of daylight. On an emotional level, you may not be feeling quite yourself. February has the echoes of family pressure from the holidays, along with cycles of frustration brought on by New Year’s resolutions. We find ourselves in need of balance and care.
